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Why I Needed to Lose my Way to Find my Way

by with No Comment Experience

In-Experience

In the early 2000s when I started this unintentional journey, looking back now, I was unprepared, inexperienced and severely naive. I had a dream, but no real plan or path to reach there, almost as if I was just hoping or daydreaming as some call it.

Armed with just a childhood dream and a lifetime of inspiration as my arsenal, I thought it would’ve been enough. Boy was I unprepared.

The world was very different back then. There were no self-proclaimed celebrities and people who were popular had a reason for being seen, either talent or value.

So much changed with the internet compared to when I grew up, which at the time was still figuring things out, it seemed. Most popular social platforms weren’t around as much or as crucial as they are now and some practices, trends and norms didn’t exist.

Off-Track

However, I lost my way eventually with the things that happened in my life. I’ll probably dive into that at a later date.

Thankfully, over the years, in exile of the pursuit of my dreams, I’ve gained so much experience and expertise in what I originally set out to do. From legal to technical experience to understanding a great deal of how the industry I ventured into, works.

Also witnessing other creators’ progress, whether success or failure, in the same industry, showed me possibilities. Analysis I can use for ideas and practices, even predict possible outcomes, almost like simulations.

Not saying that I’m bulletproof or there’s no chance of failure or hiccups along the way, but I won’t go down some roads, thankfully from my gained experience and others.

Confidence and Relentless Dedication

I’m now ten times more potent and capable of seeking these ventures out, which has given me the confidence to pursue this with relentless dedication.

My conviction is stronger than ever and I now have fewer limitations to execute ideas I once thought were difficult or impossible.

Early Challenges and Evolution

In the beginning, I was using methods, practices and systems that would’ve been outdated and nearly impossible to evolve early on. I was so naive and limited in my thinking, it’s a good thing I didn’t continue along that path(s) back then.

Some choices I made due to lack of experience or foresight and I guess the world was still evolving in this field at the time, I might’ve written myself into a corner that would’ve been difficult to escape.

I’m Glad I Failed some Ventures

My surroundings weren’t conducive to creative ventures. Not the way I know it now and understand what it takes to be truly creative and passionate about the pursuit of art.

Even the people around me were not conducive to my progress and the evolution of my dreams. 

Opportunists helped kill some of my ventures which I now refer to as side-ventures. They were not my dream, although I worked feverishly on them. In hindsight, it’s probably a good thing it went down like that.

It helped me learn a few lessons about fake friendships, fake romances, fake interests, fake partnerships, and opportunists and how to spot them.

It’s as if I’ve removed some benign tumours and gained the ability to function properly for once. 

Executing Dreams

Dreaming isn’t enough and neither are ideas, they’re a dime a dozen. Execution is 99% the ability to succeed I believe. Why I failed was my inability to execute to make my dreams a reality.

Initially, my lack of confidence hindered me, resulting in a failure to execute or complete processes effectively. I now have a better understanding of so many things it’s amazing.

Working out the Kinks

Those side-ventures also helped me work out some issues I would’ve faced along the main venture, potentially causing significant setbacks and probably derailing the success of the overall venture. So I’m grateful I was able to avoid such outcomes on the main journey.

In the process of working out the kinks, I gained valuable insights into potential pitfalls and nuances, allowing me to fine-tune my approach and fortify the foundations of the main project ensuring a more robust and well-prepared path forward.

I’m so grateful I didn’t stray too far off-course otherwise I might’ve lost my way altogether like I’ve seen many do. I’m grateful was able to find my way back.

It feels as if I set out to build a straw house, and came back with the knowledge, ability and fortitude to build a city; almost like I was meant to lose my way to find my way.

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Chasing Creativity – Part 2

by with One Comment Creativity
Read: Part 1

A New Start

I knew just printing signs wasn’t my calling. I had been working extremely long hours and tasks became repetitive. I saw the laughable overpriced artwork ad agencies were sending our way to print and knew I could easily do ten times better. But the opportunity to do so came far and few in my new duties at the company.

I described the artist’s dream here, which was meant to be a prelude to this part, but it became so lengthy it deserved an article on its own.

This is why I took the bold step to start freelancing. I lacked motivation and inspiration in my now repetitive job and I always dreamt of growing my own art studio; this was simply the first step, in my mind.

I always knew I would start my own studio eventually. Feeling stagnant in the sign company, I didn’t feel like there was much more out there for me to accomplish elsewhere, since I temporarily worked in and interacted with other companies for my boss at times.

I got offers elsewhere when some found out I was leaving the company, but it felt like it was time to venture on my own.

Boy was I naive.

Financial Burdens

I wish I could say the rest is history and I was successful at starting my art studio, accomplishing x, y and z, but things didn’t pan out as expected.

Starting a studio required much more than I initially thought. One is a clear plan of execution since I was figuring out a lot along the way. As previously mentioned if I had a guiding light in the form of a mentor or even a family member, even in the slightest, things might have turned out differently I believe. It’s important to note that I’m not attempting to shift blame for the challenges I faced; I fully acknowledge that ultimate responsibility lies with me.

The second was financial stability. I don’t come from money, nor do I have any substantial savings. All the money I earned went back into my business.

Struggling financially ever since I started on my own, my goals fell further and further away. I struggled with various challenges continuously. Some are still persistent to this day. 

It is what it is.

Off Track

I even lost my passion and vision for some years, actually. The impulsive behaviour to draw, and design died away slowly. I was reluctant to do anything that wasn’t financially beneficial because it felt like I was wasting time. A behaviour imposed onto me by some people around me who didn’t understand my vision and saw me struggling.

Creating just for fun felt guilty.

Back on Track

Thankfully, if you want to look at it like this, through failed business ventures, partnerships, and otherwise I find myself rekindling my dreams once again, almost like finding that lost book, comic, movie, game or toy you had as a child.

So many memories and ideas are coming back to me, reminding me of what I felt back when things were simpler, what I dreamt of doing and what I set out to do.

Support

Over the years, I had time to iron out major wrinkles, and looking back now, I’m almost kind of glad things didn’t work out as expected. I probably wouldn’t have had such a bold conviction to pursue my grand dream as I do now.

A lot of baggage in the form of experiences and people who were beyond negative, fearful and uninspiring have now disappeared. A great deal has changed and the people around me now are my rock, my peace and part of my motivation. Something I lacked before.

Keep Moving Forward

Looking back I realise I didn’t lose complete sight of the vision, even with the failed ventures, they were more or less along the same lines. It was as though I was still working towards the dream subconsciously, just not with the same outcome in mind.

Everything is clearer, now that I’ve accomplished so much in my time off-course. Many fears and uncertainties have vanished because I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge and experience in my field, that I simply didn’t have before.

With my refound purpose, realigning with my dreams as I embark on this path I can’t help but quote the great and wise Buzz Lighter restarting this journey, “to infinity and beyond”.

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Chasing Creativity – Part 1

by with One Comment Creativity

Why I create

It’s not something I can accurately put into words. However, in the 2020 film ‘Resistance’ featuring Jesse Eisenberg, he responds to his unartistic father when asked why he creates, it’s like the urge to use the washroom, he simply cannot hold it in. Loosely translated.

Defacing Property

When I was in high school, I borrowed hand-me-down textbooks from my older cousin. I drew all over in ink on the inside cover and clear pages that didn’t have much information—almost every page. The next year the younger sister of the cousin I borrowed the book from had to painstakingly white-off all my “art”. Sorry, Priya.

I got a call from my Aunt, her mother, not sure if she remembers this, but she wasn’t too happy with what I did and was told sternly not to do it ever again.

I’ve always said, I just need a blank canvas, pencil and eraser with uninterrupted time and I’ll be the happiest person in the world.

Impulsive Behaviour 

There was another time when I was young, I was scolded and made to sound wasteful for drawing scribbles and nonsense that just came to my mind, in my drawing pad.

We couldn’t afford much back then but my late father quickly defended me and explained that I should be allowed to express my creativity even if it’s scribbles and nonsense. Despite our dire financial situation, which I didn’t realise was bad, my father didn’t let that stop my creativity, even if it seemed wasteful to others.

Somehow he knew, though he wasn’t an artist himself.

Finding My Creative Outlet

Right out of high school, I knew I wasn’t set out for academia or furthering my education like so many of my peers did. I didn’t see a point in wasting time and started working for my now cousin-in-law, literally 3 days after school closed. He owned a tattoo studio that offered airbrush art on t-shirts. So I asked for the opportunity and he gladly gave me a shot, knowing I was a creative like him.

I was to come up with original creative illustrations customers could select to reproduce on their t-shirt of choice, and eventually do the air-brushing work myself.

Those were some fun days I’ll never forget, though short-lived.

Chasing Dreams

I had so many dreams growing up about working on creative productions, whether it be comics, animation, or even films. So every opportunity to advance myself creatively I took it, unconsciously.

From the tattoo studio, I went on to work at a photo studio in our capital, to reproduce large digital prints and from there I found employment at an art studio-turned-sign company all in about a year and a half.

I worked at the Sign Company for some years, playing a pivotal role—actually, the sole employee—in transitioning their production from analogue sign art to digital prints, which became the sole focus of the company afterwards.

I was creating less, mostly printing around the clock.

Continue Reading: Part 2
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The Artist’s Dream

by with No Comment Perspective

True artists simply cannot shut off what they desire to do. It’s almost like a requirement to survive, an urge that needs to be satisfied. Even if it means embracing the label of a “starving artist”, a term thrown around for those who haven’t found a substantial way to earn a livelihood off their aspirations. They are willing to endure hardship, and “starve” even, just to pursue their passion.

Every Artist’s Dream

Artists I believe, love when others appreciate their work in some way or the other. Some may pretend not to, but deep down inside, the littlest of appreciation goes an incredibly long way.

If not checked properly, it can even become an addiction.

Labour of Love

A “Labour of love” refers to work or effort undertaken not for financial gain or obligation, but out of passion, enjoyment, or a deep personal commitment.

It’s usually associated with the artist’s dedication to their creations or the outcomes of their endeavours and is sometimes incomprehensible to many. I don’t think true artists at heart really focus on the monetary value of their efforts as much. 

At their core, an artist’s dream is wanting their work to be seen, consumed or appreciated in any way by as many as possible. They want to make the most impact, even inspire. Some want to change things, break the rules, redefine them, be disruptive; become legends.

The Problem with Artists

To achieve notoriety, recognition, appreciation or what you want to call it, from the widest audience possible, takes a great deal.

The first challenge is usually the inspiration to create, and after that monumental hurdle, there’s the balance of life and the time to execute, along with the energy and will to complete to satisfaction.

Depending on the size of the dream as well, the next gargantuan hurdle that can make or break the execution is the financial ability to see it to the end.

This has been the biggest challenge with many artists who dream big. Regardless of the field, every artist would love enough funding or financial stability to survive and pursue their passion.

However, at times, there are bad apples or bad actors who, when they’ve found a source of funding, can misuse, abuse or not utilise this opportunity to the full extent. Some have talent but lack management skills. Some aren’t true artists and succumb to the allure of a large sum of money, which leaves many to doubt artists’ potential.

It’s usually why artists are typically portrayed as wild cards, unreliable, or polarizing in narratives. In some circles or situations being referred to as an artist can be a negative thing.

An Artist’s Vision

It’s not always clear what motivates an artist to do what they do. As important as wanting to create, they need motivation, either in the form of inspiration, a drive or a muse.


If an artist loses their immense motivation along the way for whatever reasons, they would rather the dream die than see it in the hands of another or see it mutate into something it wasn’t intended for.

A good example of this is movie studios where executives meddle with the director’s vision for a movie. In nine out of ten cases, this meddling results in significant disappointment, reshoots, failure, or loss, emphasising the delicate balance between artistic integrity and external influence.  One out of ten times it falls terribly short of the success it was meant to be.

It’s never a good thing when others meddle with an artist’s vision.

What to do

Artists just have to do what they have to do, and it’s a gamble really. There’s no other way to put it. There’s no playbook or guaranteed formula for success. Sometimes it can be a monumental failure, sometimes it can be a tremendous success. That’s the life of an artist.

All artists have is their dream, their will, and their burning desire to make it extraordinary, great even. Everything else is left up to…

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The Unlikely Journey – Beginnings –

by with No Comment HistoryNostalgia

For as long as I can remember I’ve been drawing. Heavily influenced by Calvin & Hobbes, SnarfQuest, Dennis the Menace, Archie and MAD comics, I dreamt of one day people enjoying comics by me the way my family, friends and I enjoyed Calvin & Hobbes.

Where I’m from, however, back then opportunities like that never felt possible. I had no idea how to reproduce my drawings to print, nor did I know how to even begin to pursue that career.

Unintentional Origins

I started using a brand name sometime back in 2004 I believe, when I took the bold step to do full-time freelancing after working for others for a few years.

It wasn’t my first attempt; There was “Digital Potato”, which at the time was meant to be shocking, memorable, witty, yet nonchalant. It’s still remembered by some professional colleagues to this day, as a sort of moniker for the “what were you thinking?” phase. So it worked, in my opinion.

Somehow I knew “Digital Potato” wasn’t long-term.

I really wanted to capture the essence of creativity in a brand name. Something that symbolises the naivety of going against all odds, yet doesn’t take itself too seriously? It must be somewhat playful and relatable, yet not too childish at the same time.

In those days I was heavily influenced by Pixar and the likes of Blur Studio and other VFX studios, who were relatively unknown, back then. So the name must sound like a creative, modern and universal brand.

“Lucision”, a combination of “lucid” and “vision” I concocted, as another attempt to sound international. I tried it for some time, but that wasn’t it.

The Name

The real lightbulb moment with the eventual new name I landed on was when my late grandfather, who was a cultivated, suave man, always combed hair, was shaven, properly speaking, and shirt always tucked in, actually remembered my business title a year or more after I initially told him.

I didn’t think much of it when he asked what I called my business venture at the time. I remember initially expecting him to dismiss it as some childish attempt, similar to Digital Potato. But he didn’t. To my surprise, he was proud to refer to it as unique and interesting.

So I thought that if someone in his old age can remember something unpopular and unrelated to his line of work, then it must mean something.

Webcomics Unleashed

I stumbled with life for a few years, in more ways than one, to say the least. Never really had a guiding light of sorts since my father, my best friend, had passed away from cancer when I was just 16. So I was experiencing life by trial and error basically.

It wasn’t until sometime in late 2008 that I decided to register the .com for the name with the intent to start building the brand seriously, mainly for work. Soon after my life got turned upside down and pursuing that dream felt near impossible so I let go of the domain about a year later. 

Then as luck or fate would have it, depending on your perspective, I found back my passion for creating comics a few years later. Not sure why I was so oblivious to it, but I didn’t think it was possible to publish my own comics.

When it dawned on me that I could publish my comics online in the form of webcomics, since I had just taught myself how to develop basic dynamic websites, after a failed online venture partnership, I hastily began to work on my webcomic.

The name stuck with me and it felt appropriate though I didn’t consciously intend for it to be my comics venture brand, and to my surprise, it was still available, so I registered it again in 2011

Twists and Turns

Unfortunately, life didn’t improve, so I struggled for a bit and I didn’t go all in. Things changed drastically over the next few years and I struggled mentally for some time. At one point, creating webcomics was my escape, but then it became a burden since I wasn’t making any money from it, nor was I financially stable.

So I unconsciously stopped sometime in early 2014.

Creating comics was my passion, so I kept the name registered, though it was inactive. I pursued different failed ventures to become stable enough to create comics full-time.

There was always an intention to resume it, but days turned to months and months turned to years and I tho I had several ideas and concepts literally drawn up I never published anything.

Rediscovered Purpose

Fast forward to almost a decade later, following that extended hiatus, if you can call it that, I rediscovered my purpose. I tried many ways to reach stability to pursue this dream, and I did somewhat; just not in the way I expected.

I’ve been through so many experiences, relationships, phases, failures (so many), seasons and expectations—I resolved, in my renewed pursuit, to document and share the journey, so that the younger me somewhere out there, might be encountering parallel experiences or situations. I want them to understand that, despite the challenges, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. There is hope.

I intend to showcase the process as much as possible, with documentation, techniques, ideas, ideologies, concepts and results, both good and bad. I aim to provide resources that can assist others, especially those who, like me at some point, may not have realised it was possible to pursue similar dreams regardless of their current circumstances.

So, as I embark on this journey of sharing, I hope my story serves as a beacon of encouragement for anyone navigating through their own trials and tribulations, proving that despite the unexpected twists and turns, there’s always a path to realizing your dreams and finding fulfilment in the most unexpected ways.